For those of you who don't know, I've had lots and lots of troubles with my ears ever since childhood...3 ear tube surgeries, countless infections, bad hearing (I was even in Speech as a child because of it), and this last July I had a hole in my eardrum fixed. Luckily it was the summer, so I could recover in peace and not worry about work, etc. I pretty much just drank juice and lay on the couch during that time. Also it was about a million degrees and we don't have AC, so it was pretty hard to move.
The day after I took some pictures of my awesome ear bandage:
Then Jeremiah took a picture of my ear once I could take off the bandage. (Warning don't look at if you don't like to see Van-Goghish representations of ears...)
So anyways, before I had the surgery I had a hearing test and it basically showed that I had mild hearing loss in my right ear and moderate hearing loss in my left ear (surgery ear).
The main purpose of the surgery was to close the hole so water and bacteria couldn't get trapped in there causing infection, but there was a chance that my hearing in that ear could improve.
So I had to take a second hearing test to see if it did indeed get better.
Both hearing tests were very similar in brainwashyness and creepiness and I will lead you through the modern-day hearing tests.
Remember in Elementary school when you took the hearing tests each year? They put the giant headphones on you and played some beeps and you were supposed to raise your hand whenever you heard a beep? Yes, those were the salad days of hearing tests.
Here is what happens in the
Now, after the seemingly normal questions from the "doctor" in a normal doctor's office, you are led into a creepy government interrogation room with poor lighting and "sound proof" so that they can't hear your screams when the interrogation gets more...vigorous. The walls are the color of sad vomit. The kind where its mostly bile.
The secret government ag---DOCTOR then places these things way inside your ears reminiscent of those "ear shells" from Fahrenheit 451. You know, the ones that feed you the government propaganda and keep you placated.
Then she shuts the outside door and the inside door (yes, double doors...which they claim is for sound proofing, but I know it is just to keep you locked in easily) and goes behind the one-way mirror. (Actually it's just a window, but since my chair is facing away from it and she can see me but I can't see her, it might as well be a one-way mirror).
The first part is fairly normal. Low-pitched beeps and high-pitched beeps and I press the button on the little controller when I hear something (a little better than elementary school, because at least my arm doesn't get tired).
Although, after a while of listening to beeps, my mind starts to go a little crazy. I start worrying if I missed a beep just now, or maybe it is just ringing in my ear? was THAT a beep? or did I imagine it? I tried to click for all the beeps, imaginary or not...but I think I went a little crazy in there.
Then the SUPER CREEPY part starts.
She says words in my "ear shells" and I'm supposed to repeat them.They start out innocently enough, but is a bit uncomfortable saying random words in succession. Then the words start to get....disturbing.
Oatmeal.
Railroad.
Cowboy.
Kill.
Baseball.
Hurt.
Railroad.
Cowboy.
Knife.
(and then the rest is gibberish which I'm sure my brain picked up subconsciously just as they intended.)
No joke.
They actually made me repeat those words.
Several times.
And then it's over, and the "doctor" comes in and says I can wait in this room or across the hall in her office while she prints up the results. I try not to run as I dash out of the creepy room into the florescent lighting and safety of the normal office.
I'm pretty sure I'm now a sleeper agent for the US Government. If I disappear, tell the world my story.
Unrelated: Here is an old photo I found of my Great Uncle Gatsby nursing a war injury after WWI. See the family resemblance?
Oh? and the good news! My left ear passed the hearing test!!! My right ear is still the same (mild hearing loss--especially low sounds) but my left is is in the "normal range" of hearing all across the board. It went from moderate hearing loss to normal! :) (To summarize: Right ear---D+, Left ear: B+).
